


Damn the Stars

by LuciusIII (orphan_account)



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Angst, LIKE A LOT OF ANGST, M/M, Remus' life is in shambles, Sirius is gone, as is everyone else
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-21
Updated: 2020-05-21
Packaged: 2021-03-02 19:08:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24311791
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/LuciusIII
Summary: Sirius is gone, and Remus is left with his life in shambles and the memory of his love.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 2
Kudos: 10





	Damn the Stars

Remus woke up in a cold sweat. The clock on his wall noted it was three a.m., but the streetlight outside the bedroom window lit up the room in a cold light. When the moon approached full, and his body grew sore underneath his scars, he always got forgetful and careless. He often forgot to close the curtains before he went to sleep in those days, and the harsh streetlights made him dream of the moonlight. Tonight, however, he had dreamt of something else.

He had dreamt of _him_ , alone in his cell. Remus did not know what Azkaban looked like, he had luckily never been; but in his dreams, Sirius sat chained to a wall with a view of the stars. In Remus’ dreams, he always saw the same thing: his old friend, once even more than that, hanging his shoulders but his chin up to the stars. Remus was still confused and angry about what Sirius had done, and he was not sure he would ever forgive him, but he never wished his former love a night without stars. Sirius had always loved the stars before what had happened. They had looked at them together often; first, in divination class, from the old Hogwarts astronomy tower. Later, on the roof of the Gryffindor tower and even later, after Hogwarts, wherever they found time. The old divination professor had always told Sirius that love was not in the stars for him. “ _Damn the stars._ ” Sirius had said before kissing Remus for the first time on one of their star-gazing trips. “ _We’ll make our own destiny._ ”

They had laid on the roof of the Gryffindor tower, dangerously high up and foolishly careless as only two fifteen-year-olds could be. The first kiss between them had not been the last, but the last kiss between them was the last time Remus had trusted anyone. Remus had kissed him before leaving on a work trip north, and Sirius, still in bed, had pulled him closer for a second kiss. It had been deep, soft, and full of passion, a passion that Remus remembered every time he saw a leather jacket or smelled a cigarette. Sirius had kissed him for the last time as if he had known it would be their last. Had he known?

They had lived together for three weeks in total. The three weeks before he had betrayed them all. The three weeks where they had shared everything. From the imitation-silver cutlery to the heat underneath their duvet, they had shared every moment together. Sirius had calmed him as the full moon approached and had run with him through the countryside when it came. Sirius had been there to carry him back to bed when his body grew tired after running and the sun had started to rise. They had made a home for themselves, in a small flat just outside of London. Sirius had hung a sign in the living room with the words ‘ _Live, Laugh, Love_ ’ on them because he had thought it was hilarious, but they truly had; for those three weeks, undisturbed by work, friends or school, they had lived, laughed, and loved together. In short, they had _had_ each other.

Now, as Remus sat upright in bed, he had nothing. He had sold all his cutlery saving only one set for himself, he had thrown out the sign and he had burned the sheets upon which he had once slept alongside the love of his life. He had run alone under the moon, and he had woken up alone, shivering and crying in the cold with the sun behind thick fog, as if to tell him that the days of warmth were truly behind him. He had tried to work – of course he had, he was a hard-working man – but every day he was not ‘too sick to come into work’, he spent the entire day obsessing over what had happened at Godric’s Hollow. How it could have happened. How Sirius could have betrayed them all. Remus couldn’t keep a job because he couldn’t work: he had been grieving, and even now, years later, the grief hadn’t left him. He slung his duvet off his legs and stepped to his windowsill. He could still get some shut-eye before his third job interview of the week in the morning. He didn’t anticipate it going well, as his latest bout of scars had healed poorly, so he would go by the Leaky Cauldron and see if there were any jobs available on the notice board. He looked outside, into the alley his flat was built in. It was narrow, the sky only just visible as he looked up. “ _Damn the stars_ ” he muttered to himself, before drawing the curtains.


End file.
